Lately I've been spiritually listless. I've been going through the motions at church. It comes easy as it's the only way I've ever really tried to "be spiritual". There have been glimpses of my own spiritual intuition here and there, but otherwise, I've allowed the church organization to run my life for me. I've always been promised good things if I follow all the rules, guidelines, commandments...you get the idea. And it's true, my life really couldn't get much better. I'm in a happy marriage, I own a home, I'm raising a darling little boy. But I sometimes wonder if these things just happened naturally because I worked hard for them, or if I found some favor with Heavenly Father.
I can't help but draw some parallels between life under the Fal'cie on Cocoon and life within organized Christian religion today. The mighty and righteous peoples of Cocoon lived happily in the world the Fal'Cie created for them while the people of Pulse, the heathens whom we were taught only wished to tear us down from the sky, lived in misery and ignorance. Those savages! They were to be feared and reviled. A Pulse L'Cie was many times worse, endowed with evil power, devils with a human face. A Cocoon L'Cie was a Savior, a hero who could protect us all from a firey fate. The only catch was, if they couldn't figure out their focus from a hazy vision given by the Fal'Cie, they were doomed to an eternity of despair as a mindless C'ieth. And if they DID somehow manage to pull off the miracle they were charged with, they were promised "eternal life" as a stationary crystal to be worshiped and admired by the rescued citizens. Some reward for exchanging your freedom...
As a Pulse L'Cie, I despaired to think I was charged with the destruction of my own world and the people I loved and served. My loyalties torn between the worlds, I couldn't think of any acceptable outcome. All was lost. But when my sister told me to save cocoon and then turned to crystal herself, I somehow knew that she wasn't lying; that my mission could actually be something other than I had supposed. Everyone could have a happy ending even though the stigma attached to me said otherwise.
As I contemplate what life outside my religion would be like, I feel it would be nearly the same struggle I had before. I would be come the "other" to people I once shared beliefs with and be shunned. The shock and misunderstandings and rumors would be unstoppable. All I want to do is live a happy life and be my truest self, but the price to pay (should it be true that the covenants I made have a standing in the afterlife) would be too great to bear. Without a Focus given to me by those in authority, would I despair and become a C'ieth, doomed to wander, lost for eternity? Or do I trust the small inner voice like Serah's, who assures me with love and conviction that I can define my own Focus and everything will be ok?
The scales at this point are wavering. The courage I had in the past is different than what I need now. Back then, I was battling a physical battle. It was something I knew instinctively how to do. Life or death were the only two options. I have to trust a completely different set of instincts in this battle, the options being spiritual enlightenment or eternal damnation for myself and my posterity. A heavy weight lies on my heart. I wish the answer would just come to me. I will keep praying, keep studying, keep hoping that my final decision will not end my eternal progression...
This is written from the POV of Claire "Lightning" Farron from FFXIII. This is a fanmade blog with no ties to Square Enix. Spoilers abound. This is a fictional character's POV, but the discussion I want to have is real. Reply as yourself or as a character, but keep comments true to your real feelings and experiences. I was raised Mormon but have resigned. I love hearing different angles and perspectives. This is not a pulpit and pews, but a circle where we all teach and learn together.
